Burning The Ships

So I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a camp called Never The same. This is the third time I believe that our church has been a part of this camp. This was my first time going and let me tell you it was such a wonderful experience. will never forget this camp EVER!
There was so much energy and so many people unafraid to worship God. It was just so beautiful. I would look around and notice everyone with this little gleam of light in their eyes they all looked so happy. I was so happy to be there.
even though I had little sleep I would love to go back there. There was this preaching I heard it was about a man who was in love. In love with his garden he would take so much care of it up until he heard there was a big storm coming. when he heard that he left his garden afraid it was going to get ugly.The garden was sad it dried up and became ugly. Later another gardener who had heard about this beautiful arden came and took a look at it in between all the weeds and brown he found a beautiful red rose...of the most beautiful darkest shade of red so he watered it and took care of the garden. The garden had then found a new love. The women who had preached this told us that we were that rose that was in between all the ugly weeds. She said the weeds symbolized all the ugly thing we were going through. The gardener that left was all those people who had said they loved you but left you and the gardener that came back was like God but he would save you.
I really enjoyed this story and it even made me cry.There was another preacher who told us about burning the ships meaning leaving the past as the past and not going back. such as erasing old contact numbers that only bring temptation and pain. He said that there might be people out there being nice to you but really all they want is something else from you..he meant that to
the girls about the boys.
Then there was the praying time the pastor had told us he didn't want clapping he said he wanted it to be like a funeral so we all prayed. A girl that goes to my church had asked me if I felt the Holy Spirit I had told her no and she said she would help me. I will never forget everything she yelled in my ear. it was all so true and she had told me that God had spoken to her the words that were coming out of her mouth were not her own...those words God had put in her mind to tell me. I cried and this time it wasn't for anything with little importance it was because what she had said truly touched my heart. I won't ever forget that EVER!
I am trying my best to Burn those ships. I find it hard on certain things which believe is holding me back from feeling the holy spirit. I don't get it I pray so hard and even cry and beg but I just can't feel it. and I learned that its either one of these three or all of these three;
`I do not believe in the Holy Spirit
`I don't want to feel the Holy Spirit
`I have not repented the right way or at all
This just means either I don't believe in receiving the Holy spirit something in me is trying to Block it out or I have not forgiven myself or everyone else for everything in my past. In other words I have not Burned Those ships. I just don't know what to do sometimes. It hurts me everything in the past just hurts. I just need to work on letting it go. I need to ask God to give me that strength.
My main worry right now is helping my mom with everything because she seems so stressed out. I pray for her all the time because I know that with the help of God we can get through anything.
So Life is A M A Z I N G! God has truly changed my way thinking it is great! :)

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